Merry Christmas?

Merry Christmas!

My Christmas was fairly good... considering I'm so far away from home. On Saturday the 20th, my cousin, Reg, and I got to play Santa at my kindergarten and had about 400 kids come sit on our laps. It was fun and we got paid. Then Candy and I went out to a friends bar where he invited us for a Christmas party at his bar with free dinner... just for his friends. I got totally screwed on my gift exchange... I am not the proud owner of .46tons of carbon credits. Yep, someone donated money to a program that takes carbon out of the air to help clean the earth... even though no successful machine has been successfully used today for this (aside from research). Do you know that Al Gore owns one of the biggest carbon tax programs in the world? Could this be why he made that movie An Inconvenient Truth? Anyways, it kind of a sham, like those save the African Children funds where only a few percent of the money gets there. They invest in "green" projects to offset carbon... right.
The next day, we went to Jay and Bear's house and decorated the tree with Xmas stuff and... guns, a guitar, a viking helmet and all of the traditional Xmas stuff.

Christmas? Well, I BOOKED the day off work but I never want to work on Christmas or my birthday, and I worked on my birthday this year... I think. So, we went to Lighthouse bar for some Turkey, Pumpkin soup, Stuffing, potatoes and apple pie and ice cream.

Gifts were few this year, Candy gave me some bedside lamps that turn on by flicking their little... well you know whats. I bought her a two week trip to the Philippines to Cebu. My parents and sister got me some money for my xbox account where I can buy games or rent movies without even leaving the sofa and they stream live so I can watch whatever I want on a whim, it's instant (love Netflix). My parents also got my girlfriend, Candy, a bicycle and the city just put went from 12km of bike trail to 150kms in less than a year... I should have bought a bicycle shop when I had a chance. With the new subway and new bus system and bullet train, you can take your folding bike almost anywhere. A few other small presents among friends.

My absolute worst present by far, is that I lost my playground. My back balcony overlooks the city, but the tallest building for about a kilometer is 4 stories tall... actually, I think they're all about 4 stories, so when my apartment sith on the 10th floor, I virtually have total privacy in the middle of the big city. I shoot my bb guns at the little water towers on the houses (rubber bullets) and shoot thousands of bottle rockets into the skies. As well as just sit out there in the sun. The last 6 months has brought lots of construction out there and I've been shooting my bbs and rockets over this new place. Well, they opened the new 12 story building the day before Christmas... I would like to welcome Kaohsiung's newest police station to my back door.

That pretty much ends my "Attack on Iwo Jima reinactments." Yes, Kaohsiung was built by the Japanese when it occupied Taiwan for the war, all the streets are in a perfect grid... Taipei's are all built to where people tended to walk, creating twisty and difficult layouts.

My Christmas gift to myself, is a new computer! Mine's busted, it won't load Windows and other stuff has slowly stopped working. This is why I haven't been posting... well... it's the best excuse I can think of but probably has nothing to do with me not posting.

Colin.

Mery Christmas.

Four reasons why I LOVE Halloween

This is the crew I went out for Halloween with. We started at my place, then to 7-11 to warm up, and then to the 15th floor rooftop bar in downtown Kaohsiung. Wow, what a party!

From left to right; Theresa and Bernice (two of my friends I road tripped to HuaLien with), Monica (Candy's friend... and mine), and Candy (Duh). I'm Friar Tuck.

Illerate.

Well, I hate being illiterate, we had some frozen plums in the fridge, so I had to adjust the temperature. Also, the freezer is less packed with stuff (I threw out the 2 kilograms of garden snails that Candy's mom gave us along with the sandwich bag full of deep fried bees. She means well... I guess all mothers do.) so I had to make it a little colder so our freezer cups will freeze faster and the temperature outside has risen a little. So, back to hating myself, I had to ask Candy to come read the bloody knob inside the fridge and then lift her up to read the one in the freezer. I could probably take apart the fridge and fix it if it's broken, but I can't even adjust the temperature. Grrr.... it's the same with the house phone. Ever since the last one broke, I can't figure out the new one. Redial, calls, store, huld, mute, speaker... yep, all blue buttons to me. The washing machine is bilingual, but I can't read Japanese either. However, on the washing machine, I can read most of the Chinese settings on it... not going to bother with the Japanese.

Yes, I absolutely hate being illiterate and other people being dumb. I sometimes ask strangers or store clerks to read something to me and they just tell me they can't speak English. I tell them that I speak and understand fine, just read the words in Chinese, please.

Anyways, I bought Sheri and Gopi's wedding gift today, been looking for it for about 6 months, a friend called me last night and told me she found it at a local market and she got the last one for me.

My magazine is sinking like the Titanic and I'm a little slow on pump, hopefully all the past business will be cleared up soon and I can get to work. Luckily, my magazine is still doing better than most of the others. Three other local competitor magazines folded up in the last couple months. I'm sure things will be sorted out soon.

Dragon Boat practices have been taking most of my time, 6 practices a week of about 2 hours each, I'm getting mean with a paddle.

I started a photography class last week... I'm now quite confident that I'm well over my head and that it's the blind leading the deaf. Teaching a subject that I have been self taught and informally taught by my father to people in my second language. So, I'm teaching something I don't know to people in a language I don't understand, go figure. As long as I stick to the basics, I should do ok, I'm also learning a lot. They still don't know aperture, shutter speed and a bunch of other stuff that I know.

Photography: The art of going into places you shouldn't and capturing life for others to experience. I'm a pro! I went into an old brick kiln that's about fifty to a hundred years old and crawled inside with my photographer friend Paul (I'd like to give him credit for this fantastic idea, but unfortunately, it's all mine) and we walked all around inside watching for snakes and stuff and got some cool pictures. So, I captured "life" and "shared" it with others. Candy got bit by some fleas and she never even left the house... I just wanted to share the experience with her. We think the fleas have been exterminated from the bedroom, how Candy brought them home, is beyond my comprehension. I forgive her.

I'm planning to come home with only 'go home' stuff and to come back to Taiwan with 'supplies' only. I figure this is the easiest way to move my stuff, the rest can be shipped. I miss home, but there's really nothing material that I miss anymore. I've found most of what I need and made due with the rest.

Application for rejection.

I found this on the net.

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Drunk With The Little Leprichans.

Well, I've been swamped with work and just plain swamped.

I quit my morning job as it means driving 50 minutes every day during rush hour and involves mornings and I work for 23 hours a week at it and get what I get in 10 hours at my afternoon job.

I've been working with a "Da KaohSiung, He, Che, Wan" magazine. It means 'The greater Kaohsiung area, Drinking, Eating and Playing' Magazine. I started off as a photographer, then a journalist and now I'm the assistant editor.
My job involves going to restaurants, cafe's, bars and hotels and doing interviews, write up, critiques and advertising. So, yep, I'm very well fed, know the difference between good and mediocre coffee, I like girly drinks (the ones with the little umbrella and cherry) and there are some fantastic hotels and spas. So, yep, the money's poor, but I'm well fed, watered and pampered. I get paid for all I do, but the advertising gets me some steady money that makes a big difference.

The magazine is printed on nice glossy paper, with a square back, same quality as Maxim or National Geographic, it's not a 'basement print job.'
The magazine's website is www.TaiwanFun.com click on the last section, called FYI South, that's my magazine. The other magazines are for other areas in Taiwan. Don't click on the Chinese text, or you will get an all Chinese site, it's much better than the English, but... just stick to the English.

The magazine is completely bilingual, or maybe even a little more Chinese. Most of the interviews I do are completely in Chinese. I write the stories in English, put some pictures with them and send them off to be translated and printed. I really like it and it's a totally new perspective on business. I've learn so many things about what goes on behind the scenes in business. Did you know that most bar owners are friends with each other and they go out drinking together? Yep, and I know where they go. I didn't think competitors would be sharing 'trade secrets', whatever.


So, now for the post. Drinking and driving... My editor and I thought it would be a great way to help our advertisers by renting a couple buses and driving to a bunch of the bars that advertise with us. Well, that's just boring. So, we added chemical suits, a bus, beer, and a green marker. Now, we have the St.Patty's Day Pub crawl. I wonder what people will think when they see 100+ foreigners pile out of buses with decontamination suits and are writing slogans on each others suits in green marker. Anyways, we bought the suits and buses, with drivers, the markers, coolers, ice, 144bottles of beer, specials at each bar and some advertising. We're set... and we might make some money off this through ticket sales and beers on the bus.

Why I love Taiwan.

Dad, you'd be proud.

I did it!

Well, I haven't had a compelling desire to do so, but my dad seems to.

I got to phone my editor and say, "Stop the presses!"

There was a mistake on the opening hours of a restaurant in one of the articles. I know this, because I went there with Candy at the 'open' time, and was told it was still closed for another hour.

Anyways, the magazine had already been sent out for printing, so they actually had to 'stop the presses' or at least the printing process. This is Taiwan and there's not really much red tape yet with business processes, so I figure they can just edit it in the computer for a sec and it will print out just fine... it's probably very anticlimactic.

It would be much cooler if there was a huge red lever to pull, bringing smoke and steam billowing out of the pressing machines as they lurch to a grinding halt... ...nope, a phone call and pressing the 'send' button for an email was about as exciting as it got.

Picture:
This pulled up beside me on the highway while I was waiting for the green light on my way home from work the other day.

Careful what you wish for.

I always wanted to be an important person, have an office, a desk and people working under me. Also, I wanted to have a publicist, and and editor.

Well, my morning teaching job provides me with a secretary, a desk and an office.
Afternoon and evening job places 4 teachers below me that I'm supposed to supervise and create materials for.
And now I have a job writing articles for a magazine as well as doing photography for it.

So, now I have office work that I must prepare for my secretary who doesn't speak English. A desk full of work. Afternoons and evenings provide me with an opportunity to evaluate and hire new teachers, provide training, materials and design a curriculum.
Now, I have insane deadlines for writing articles, and a whole book of guidelines and criteria I must follow. My first article got torn apart with constructive criticism, my second article was completely obliterated. Anyways, after pretty much rewriting both articles, they looked much better and went through with only a couple words edited. I think next time will run more smoothly. My editor's pretty great, all the criticism was constructive, but there was a lot. I miss Mr. Krismer, my English teacher; all I had to focus on was grammar. It didn't matter what I wrote about or said, as long as I spelled everything correctly; now I have to put in drinking and driving blurbs if I mention the b*er word, and I can't say that a green salad is healthy, unless it's been approved by the Taiwan board of health and tested to see if all salads are created equal. Wow, lot's of stuff to consider. I wonder if the Simpsons' cartoonist has to worry about if he must draw seat belts on the cartoons if they're in a car. Also, word counts, bust be exact and no more.


Anyways, hopefully by Friday, I'll be a published author and photographer, that would be cool. Also, learning to write in this format is something I'd like to get good at, I have so many things to say, but so few words to say it in.
"Jimmy's Diner; Foods good, eat shrimp, beautiful furniture, affordable, go. (10% park behind) 127 Boai 2nd Road." -not really, but it feels like it.

The great train wreck.

Well, this week has been too busy for me.

Last weekend, I had an editor of a foreigner magazine over to my place for a beer. Eventually, I showed him some of my photography and the next day, he offered me a job as a photographer... then as a writer. So, I've been busy this week, running around taking pictures of restaurants and food and then eating the food and writing reviews. I have to say, there is some fantastic food to be found. I just finished submitting my material for the magazine and was down to the deadline. Taking pictures of food in a softly lit restaurant is difficult when you don't have the cash to buy a flash (I don't like flashes anyways), so I went to 'Home Depot' (similar) and bought a work light, some plastic sheeting, some chrome tape and a white translucent shopping bag and made a soft light box for my camera, works great on a small scale (19W fluorescent light) and can light up a whole table quite nicely. The soft box cost me about $20 compared to the $350 for my flash.

School... Well, I had to make an annual test for one school and test, mark and evaluate my students, another school, I did the same thing, but the test was already prepared, and my last school; we had a parent's night, where I had to prepare a presentation and have my students as well as myself present what we are learning... why do students behave in class and be silly or shy when the parents are watching?

Social,I helped Reg move... ...on scooters. Yep, we moved all his stuff using little scooters and bungie cords. The fridge, washer and bed were moved by truck, but all the rest went by motorcycle. Welcome to Taiwan.

So, I've been really tired this week, reading magazine guidelines (there's a lot), making tests, marking tests, writing evaluations, building camera equipment, moving, etc... I wound up drinking a bottle of energy drink on Thursday evening, the active ingredient is epinephrine, I felt really great, but not so happy about what's inside. I haven't drank any for about 2 years and don't really want to. On the good side, I don't drink Coke much anymore, I drank one liter this week.

So, my week's taking off and everything looks good, next week will be much easier as everything is more or less done.

Now for the train wreck...
Today to my absolute horror, I realized that I was out of Ketchup. I went to 4 grocery stores and a few other possible places. "Taiwan is simply out of Ketchup." Apparently, there isn't a bottle of Ketchup in this country, and no one seems to care!!! It must be a sign of the Apocalypse... or it should be.