Never, ever, EVER!
Well, I went to the infamous Patpong district tonight (Red Light) with Jam. Wow! Just like Disney Land and the Las Vegas strip moulded into one big Pay Per View orgy. We drove through the strip thismorning and it was a ghost town. But tonight, it was alive... infact we almost missed it, the taxi stopped at a night market and I was like, "No, Patpong, please." He said it was it and if it wasn't for the Patpong streetsign sticking out from behind the guy selling "Rolex" watches, I would have jumped into another cab.
So, we walked down the strip with people wanting us to buy thier "designer" goods and others telling us that thier bar has the best show in town with the sexiest ladies... and men (YUCK). So, we went into "Super Pussy" where some of the girls were cute, but some had seen better days. The man outside told us, "No cover! Beer, $100 ($4Can) best show!" We followed him in, then the hostesses explained to us that beer was $100 and the show was $300 each. I said the man said it was free. The girls said he was mistaken and wanted $300 so, I went to leave. Just my luck, there was "the man", I told him and he said, no problem and then the girls ran away, I brought the man to the girls and told them to sort this crap out and then gave the girls trouble and stuff for trying to rob me. They sat me in a stool beside the bar close to the "dancers" (I think they were moving a little) and gave me my $100 beer and Jam a $100 Coke. They started massaging my back and due to unforseen future charges, I told them to piss off before anything got going. Jam decided a massage would be a good thing. Within 2 minutes, she had 3 girls massaging her all over and playing with her hair... good for her... wait! Make that TWO girls and a tall girl with strong hands. Well, finally the tall one spoke... yep, HE was very nice and in any other country, I wouldn't have givin this bra and panty clad figure another look other than "her" tallness (not even an apple). So, they said they were thirsty and wanted a drink. I was holding Jam's cash for her. She wanted to buy them thier $100 Cokes so I forked it over. They continued to massage from head to toe for another 45 minutes. Then they asked for a $100 tip. I asked them what was taking thier Cokes so long, Jam laughed. They said that they would drink them after so we invited them to sit with us and have thier Cokes. They said that the Cokes would make them fat and that they don't drink Coke. Then they asked for a tip, please. I asked for my Coke money back as there was no Coke being served.
Anyways, enough of the business stuff, on with the show!
I saw a girl light and smoke 2 cigarrttes with her "lips" in 3 minutes flat... can this kind of smoking lead to a higher incidence of ovarian cancer? Lower lung cancer? Then, throughout the show came a string of razor blades, flowers, ribbon, etc.... I got to see a girl jam a bottle of water, and lie on her back to empty it, she replaced the bottle with a new one and filled it full of Coke... maybe that's where the girls' Coke went. After more "dancing" she used a pair of chopsticks to pickup a dozen rings off the floor and place them over the neck of a bottle... hands free ofcourse. She blew a horn and opened 4 beer as one of the caps flew the 20 feet and nailed me in the arm.
Well, it was interesting, and I will NEVER EVER get drunk in Thailand, so many Ladyboyz, so little innocence left. I decided this after about two sips of my first and only beer. When they have to speak for me to tell the difference... THAT is a scary thing.
My joke of the day? In Bangkok, they have metered cabs, so it makes negotiating much easier, they're also dirt cheap. We went to the night market at rush hour and it cost us $50Baht ($2CAN) , we decided to go back to the hotel and dump off our shopping. I asked a Tuk-tuk (motorcycle rickshaw) how much and he told me the return trip (NOT at rush hour) would cost me a cool $200Baht. I told him he was completely insane, he stopped dead for about 2 seconds... "Just joking! Hahaha! Ok, $150 Baht!" I jumped and said "Ok!", so he ran like hell for his Tuk-tuk and brought it around for my "3 times the price at 1/3 the comfort" ride across the city. He pulled up alongside and I said "Just joking! Hahaha!" and walked over to the metered taxis. He seemed a little pissed and I told him that he should not be trying to rob people, he appologised and offered me the $50 Baht price and I still went with the taxi. In Chang Mai, the Tuk-tuks were about 1/2 the price of the taxis.
So, due to ladyboys, my trip planner (me) has cancelled any events engaging in drunkeness (not that any were planned in the first place, but this pretty much seals it).
Tomorrow night, I may return to this cestpool of filth for the mud wrestling, "PingPong show (what in the world could that be?), and some Thai KickBoxing. Tonight cost me $100Baht ($4CAN) and has made those "Caught on tape" shows seem pretty dull. Maybe tomorrow, I will up the Ante to a cool $10CAN and REALLY go nuts!
I think for the daytime, I will go see the palace and a river tour, maybe even the floating market and the reclining Bhudda
So, we walked down the strip with people wanting us to buy thier "designer" goods and others telling us that thier bar has the best show in town with the sexiest ladies... and men (YUCK). So, we went into "Super Pussy" where some of the girls were cute, but some had seen better days. The man outside told us, "No cover! Beer, $100 ($4Can) best show!" We followed him in, then the hostesses explained to us that beer was $100 and the show was $300 each. I said the man said it was free. The girls said he was mistaken and wanted $300 so, I went to leave. Just my luck, there was "the man", I told him and he said, no problem and then the girls ran away, I brought the man to the girls and told them to sort this crap out and then gave the girls trouble and stuff for trying to rob me. They sat me in a stool beside the bar close to the "dancers" (I think they were moving a little) and gave me my $100 beer and Jam a $100 Coke. They started massaging my back and due to unforseen future charges, I told them to piss off before anything got going. Jam decided a massage would be a good thing. Within 2 minutes, she had 3 girls massaging her all over and playing with her hair... good for her... wait! Make that TWO girls and a tall girl with strong hands. Well, finally the tall one spoke... yep, HE was very nice and in any other country, I wouldn't have givin this bra and panty clad figure another look other than "her" tallness (not even an apple). So, they said they were thirsty and wanted a drink. I was holding Jam's cash for her. She wanted to buy them thier $100 Cokes so I forked it over. They continued to massage from head to toe for another 45 minutes. Then they asked for a $100 tip. I asked them what was taking thier Cokes so long, Jam laughed. They said that they would drink them after so we invited them to sit with us and have thier Cokes. They said that the Cokes would make them fat and that they don't drink Coke. Then they asked for a tip, please. I asked for my Coke money back as there was no Coke being served.
Anyways, enough of the business stuff, on with the show!
I saw a girl light and smoke 2 cigarrttes with her "lips" in 3 minutes flat... can this kind of smoking lead to a higher incidence of ovarian cancer? Lower lung cancer? Then, throughout the show came a string of razor blades, flowers, ribbon, etc.... I got to see a girl jam a bottle of water, and lie on her back to empty it, she replaced the bottle with a new one and filled it full of Coke... maybe that's where the girls' Coke went. After more "dancing" she used a pair of chopsticks to pickup a dozen rings off the floor and place them over the neck of a bottle... hands free ofcourse. She blew a horn and opened 4 beer as one of the caps flew the 20 feet and nailed me in the arm.
Well, it was interesting, and I will NEVER EVER get drunk in Thailand, so many Ladyboyz, so little innocence left. I decided this after about two sips of my first and only beer. When they have to speak for me to tell the difference... THAT is a scary thing.
My joke of the day? In Bangkok, they have metered cabs, so it makes negotiating much easier, they're also dirt cheap. We went to the night market at rush hour and it cost us $50Baht ($2CAN) , we decided to go back to the hotel and dump off our shopping. I asked a Tuk-tuk (motorcycle rickshaw) how much and he told me the return trip (NOT at rush hour) would cost me a cool $200Baht. I told him he was completely insane, he stopped dead for about 2 seconds... "Just joking! Hahaha! Ok, $150 Baht!" I jumped and said "Ok!", so he ran like hell for his Tuk-tuk and brought it around for my "3 times the price at 1/3 the comfort" ride across the city. He pulled up alongside and I said "Just joking! Hahaha!" and walked over to the metered taxis. He seemed a little pissed and I told him that he should not be trying to rob people, he appologised and offered me the $50 Baht price and I still went with the taxi. In Chang Mai, the Tuk-tuks were about 1/2 the price of the taxis.
So, due to ladyboys, my trip planner (me) has cancelled any events engaging in drunkeness (not that any were planned in the first place, but this pretty much seals it).
Tomorrow night, I may return to this cestpool of filth for the mud wrestling, "PingPong show (what in the world could that be?), and some Thai KickBoxing. Tonight cost me $100Baht ($4CAN) and has made those "Caught on tape" shows seem pretty dull. Maybe tomorrow, I will up the Ante to a cool $10CAN and REALLY go nuts!
I think for the daytime, I will go see the palace and a river tour, maybe even the floating market and the reclining Bhudda
posted by Colin at 2:22 AM
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